Peace of mind.
It seems like something that would come easy. Just shut your mind off and relax. The rest of the world doesn't matter. And yet here we are always in the hustle and bustle of the world moving around us. Unable to sit and think for ourselves for more that a second because we might fall behind. The more I think about it though, we all need to stop and take that minute to just be one with ourselves. To shut it off and do something we love without the worry of someone else getting upset or feeling like we are going to miss out on something. The world doesn't stop when we do, that is apparent. But we need to be okay with that.
Recently I have been struggling with this myself. The need to have all of my t's crossed and i's dotted. Pushing myself as hard as possible to get every small thing done during the day to "prove" to everyone around me that I am good enough to be in their lives. Why? Why should it really matter what they think about me? How can you be an individual person when all you're looking for is inclusion? Conforming to the people around you and not truly being you. I have lost this. I have no idea who I am or even who I want to be. I always have a label attached to my being....
Katlyn, the wife: I did not grow up around here but have built a life in a town I am unfamiliar with because it is where my husband is from. I'm not saying I hate it here. I am honestly quite fond of it. But I don't know how to break free of just being the one married too young to the hometown guy.
Katlyn, the mom: I've been a mom since I was 16. My entire life revolves around my kids and I absolutely love them. But if you're a parent in this day and age you are judged on literally every little thing you do! Oh you wiped your kids nose to the left and not the right side of their face? Shame on you you outcast.. Okay that's a little but exaggerated but you get the point. Add a global pandemic to it and oof!
Katlyn, the worker: I pride myself on building my job skills. I push myself every day to be better than the day before when I was there. I want to prove that I am worthy of being employed where I am and that they would really feel like they lost something if leaving was an outcome.
I have all of those things, which are major parts of my life that I love, but WHO IS KATLYN?
I am hoping that I can find that out. I'm hoping that I can use this as my outlet to unwind, brainstorm, and simply meet people who accept me for who I am and who I'm becoming. I want to find me and I deserve to find me. I just want this journey to be eye opening. I want it to be intentional and glorious.
